FAST FIVE: Welcome To The War On Death

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And, just like after those terrorist attacks, the world has united and forcefully responded.

The British tabloids are publishing horror stories about “doctors” standing by and helplessly watching as patients slowly suffocate to death.

Millions of people (now confined in their homes) have taken to the Internet to pump up the hysteria, share totally un-sourced personal accounts of the horrors their therapists' accountants' doctors have personally witnessed on the war's “front lines,” and hunt down any infected persons, or potentially infected persons (or otherwise uncooperative persons) who might have gone outside for some air.

In fact, a lot of us are dying right now, according to the Internet, around a hundred per minute – which, it goes without saying, is unacceptable, and a tragedy, and something we need to take drastic action to prevent at all costs.

Hopkins is an award-winning American playwright, novelist and political satirist based in Berlin.

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